Baby therapy

Begüm Kodalak Bilik / Pregnant and Birth Psychologist

According to scientific data, babies can remember everything they went through in the womb, during birth and after birth. Some events experienced in these special processes can have negative effects on mother and baby attachment. In order to solve these situations, there's a new method: 0-3 Years Old Baby Therapy.

• The origin story of infant therapy

Contrary to what is known, the mother and baby relationship begins not with the birth, but when the baby falls into the mother's womb, and most importantly, the bond established between the baby and the mother plays a decisive role in the whole life of the baby. For this reason, it is very important to establish a healthy bond between mother and baby. With the birth of the baby, the handling of many issues such as feeding, breastfeeding, sleeping patterns, gas-colic issues, whether the baby is comfortable to toilet, allergic reactions if any, depends on the harmony of this bond between the baby and the mother. This harmony is sometimes established in a very short time, and sometimes problems may occur during these processes.

All negativities experienced during pregnancy and the moment of birth can negatively affect the entire psychology of the baby and of course the mother. Our desire for babies to be born without psychological trauma. The problems experienced by mothers who had some problems during pregnancy, and after birth and the inability to establish healthy relations of babies with their mothers brought to mind, baby therapy. We started the first studies in the unit established within the Istanbul Birth Academy. As a Baby Therapist, I have been both a doula and a birth psychologist and personally attending births, and on the other hand, my psychodrama therapist has worked very well. We have combined both areas.

• What kind of therapy?

We found that some mothers were unhappy with their birth, and in fact, this is how mother-infant therapy was born. There are a number of techniques that observe the relationship between mother and baby, but there are no examples of the kind we work with. In mother baby therapy; the mother enters the meeting with her baby. While the baby is in the room, the mother tells us about the pregnancy and birth processes. Thus, the therapist can observe the relationship between the baby, the mother and the mother-infant. Based on the reactions of the baby during the story and what the mother told, we reach data about the mother-infant bond that is impaired at pregnancy or birth. We end the baby therapy by re-establishing this bond in a healthy way by using psychodrama techniques.

In this process, we try to eliminate the traumatic experiences by using the psychodrama technique. Psychodrama is a therapy technique that causes the whole perception to change as the reality is revived for the second time. For example; One mother shares that she was knocked unconscious with anesthesia during her birth without any information or consent. She explains that when she was reunited with her baby when the anesthesia wore off, they took her baby from her arms due to the hospital's care procedures and she was very impressed by this moment of separation. mother who had general anesthesia after birth then, she was reunited with her baby when everything was fine. We re-enact this moment of birth in sessions for both mother and baby. This time, that birth story is dramatized again according to the wishes of the mother and baby. For example; We can dim the room, turn on the music, and make sure that the baby comes to the mother's breast as soon as she is born and never leaves. So we remove that old memory because it negatively affects both mother and baby. Thanks to the psychodrama technique in mother-baby therapy, we can change the feelings of the trauma. While the mother tells the pregnancy period and the birth story, the baby stays in the same room with us. During the session, our babies start to react as soon as their mother begins to tell about a negative moment. It may sound surprising, but babies can remember everything they went through in the womb and at birth. Baby not speaking but they can convey all the mother's emotions and experiences through the bodily reactions to us.

• What are we aiming for?

With baby therapy, we reduce the traumatic pregnancy processes experienced by mothers and the effects of traumatic births on both mother and baby, and we aim to establish a more peaceful, trust-based and solid mother-infant relationship.

Since every mother and baby have a different experience, the therapy period can be different from each other. For this reason, the session duration can vary according to the person, but we can say a minimum of 3-4 sessions.

• When is baby therapy necessary?

* If you are still angry and angry at the thought of your birth,

* If a secure bond between you and your baby does not occur,

* If your baby is difficult to care for,

* If your baby has breastfeeding problems,

* If there are tantrums,

* If your baby has a sleeping problem.

Or we can say that baby therapy is necessary if you just want to go through the birth again and share your birth story again with the witness of an expert. Remember, you don't necessarily have to wait for big problems to get support. Families can benefit from baby therapy sessions from birth until the age of 3.

• A successful therapy

In one example we studied, it was revealed that the mother's distress in the 5th month of her pregnancy affected the baby. This crying response made us think that the baby started to react while in the womb so that the mother's morale would not be upset during this troubled period that the mother went through. And after this experience, it turned out that the baby tried to help her by crying and shouting whenever her mother felt bad after birth. After the mother explained this to the baby during the session and apologized, the loud cries and shouts in the baby ended. In another example, the baby had straining movements, and the mother could not reach her baby immediately after birth, and skin-to-skin contact was not achieved. The baby was acting as if he was urinating. When I listened to the pregnancy and birth story from this mother, we learned that the baby was still trying to get out of the mother's womb after the cesarean delivery ,and that the mother also felt guilty about her birth. So there was no straining. Then we dramatized their births again the way the mother and baby wanted, and they had a wonderful "rebirth" experience. The baby came into her mother's arms right after birth, it was a wonderful moment. After the sessions, while the straining movements in this baby ended, the feeling of guilt in our mother was replaced by the feeling of happiness.

• Thanks to the baby therapy, the general problems that expectant mothers experience at birth have also emerged.

All interventions applied at birth without taking the mother's opinion have a side effect on the mother and babies. So of course, these interventions should be done if necessary. Most importantly, mothers and fathers should also be prepared for their birth and have an idea about it. The most important thing that mothers and fathers should do during childbirth should be demanding their skin-to-skin contact rights and ensuring that right now! Because the moment babies are born, they open their eyes to a new world from their safe place inside. That's why they need to meet and feel their mother, who is a familiar voice from the moment they say hello to the outside world. If the mother is not suitable, babies can meet with their father. The memories belonging to the mother, father and the outside world and most importantly, the feeling of trust are formed when the baby is first born. It has been determined that babies who are exposed to skin-to-skin contact from the moment the world said “I am here” suck better at the first breastfeeding, cry 12 times less than other babies, respiration and body temperature are more stable, and blood sugar rate is higher. In one of the examples we studied, the baby came to infant therapy because it was very difficult to separate from its mother. When I listened to the pregnancy process and the birth story from the mother, we learned that the baby could not meet with the mother immediately after birth, and therefore the baby had a feeling of being abandoned, together with the feeling that "my mother is not there when I need it". We resuscitated the births of this mother and baby as they wanted, and we observed that the baby was able to leave her mother more easily after the study. Traumatic babies born with the "wishes" of mothers, in our words, can be cranky, restless, colic or very crying babies (not all colic and every moodiness may be related to this, of course). Such as not wanting the child after birth, postpartum depression or excessive attachment to the child ... If the mother or baby has such conditions, families can benefit from infant therapy.

Recommendations for a healthy mother-baby attachment

• As a parent, be sure to prepare for your birth

• Set up a friendly birthing team (doctor, midwife / doula, birth psychologist)

• Take responsibility for your birth, it's your baby

• Trust your body, baby and birth

• Find out the facts about birth, medical interventions and birth

• Know your rights at birth, such as skin-to-skin contact, mother-baby-friendly births, father's role

• If you wish, come to baby therapy before it's too late.

• You do not have to have a traumatic birth to get baby therapy, even if you have a question mark, you can still come and get support.

• You can participate in baby therapy with your partner