"Mental preparation" for birth

Neşe Karabekir / Pregnant and Birth Psychologist

For a healthy birth, "mental preparation" is as important as "physical preparation" that includes yoga, pilates and pregnancy exercises! We have prepared our suggestions that will help you mentally prepare for the birth in line with the questions of you, our beloved mothers.

• How can I overcome my fear of birth?

First of all, I strongly recommend that you go to the birth preparation training. Because the most important means of overcoming fear is "knowledge". Knowledge is the antidote to fear. Talking, meeting and sharing with other mothers is also important! But you should definitely stay away from negative birth stories. Also, you should always take time to exercise, and relax. Even if you live in the city, you should definitely try to spend time in nature. You should take time to calmly practice breathing and focus on positive thoughts.

• What if I get a birth preparation training and give birth by cesarean section?

In fact, birth preparation trainings prepare expectant mothers and fathers for all types of birth. Not just birth; It is a preparation for the afterbirth, existence with the baby, parenthood, being a mother and father, and if we expand it even more, to life. Even if you have a planned cesarean section for medical or other reasons, it is definitely not a futile effort. It is important to attend education independently of the delivery method, to learn about birth and to prepare for this birth as "mother-baby friendly cesarean" even if it will be delivered by cesarean.

• Mother baby friendly cesarean delivery

Even if a cesarean is planned, it is a birth that allows the baby to initiate the birth, that is, to start spontaneously, without a date. In this way, both the baby and the mother are given the opportunity to release hormones that are active at birth. Thus, breastfeeding problems, which are more common in planned cesarean sections, can be experienced at a minimum. In order for the baby's need for trust and love not to be interrupted after birth, the baby is given the opportunity to have skin-to-skin contact with his mother and father. If all is well, it is ensured that the baby does not leave the safe lap of the mother or father after birth.

• I hear so many negative stories about normal birth, what if mine goes bad too ...

The most important reason why some women who have had birth experience describe the birth negatively is the lack of support and unfortunately emotional support in their births. Of course, all kinds of situations can be experienced at birth; Some medically necessary interventions may take place, the duration of deliveries may be very prolonged, some of these long deliveries may have returned to cesarean section, Regardless of the reason, the most important thing to be aware of here is that you should never attribute negative thoughts such as “What if mine goes bad, what if, what if…” to your moment of birth. It should by no means be forgotten that each birth is unique. You should concentrate on your own birth, your moment of birth, and the birth of your own baby. If very different and negative birth stories are beginning to be told, you should state that you do not want to listen at the beginning of the story. Just as every person has a different character, every person has a birth story of their own. So your own birth story should be a special gift for your baby!

• Will I be negatively affected if I watch a birth video online?

It will vary depending on the extent of your exposure and also how you are affected by someone else's story. Of course, my suggestion is that you watch the birth videos prepared by the birth preparation institutions just for education. So it is best to watch videos approved by the birthing instructors. I especially recommend you not to follow the cesarean section. Because cesarean section is a serious abdominal surgery. If the birth is to be watched, it is useful to watch the normal birth. For this, the first thing to check is your own feelings: Are you watching to get information, to feel good, to motivate yourself by saying "I can do it too", to take example, or subconsciously to scare yourself and actually discourage yourself?

• My husband is very afraid of birth and it scares me too. What can I do?

Some men are afraid of birth; There are some reasons such as they grew up with negative birth stories and unfortunately, the birth is not very positive in the media. At this point, we can say that fear comes into play first. Therefore, in order to overcome your fear of birth, you should definitely attend childbirth training programs with your spouse. Because in this way, couples are prepared for both birth, parenthood and, most importantly, all birth forms. Birth preparation training at the same time; It causes the father to return and reconsider his own life. If your spouse continues to fear after the training, psychological support will definitely be required. At this point, it is very effective to proceed with the support of pregnant and obstetrics psychologists. I recommend this support not only to those who are afraid of childbirth, but also to all couples who are on the way to becoming parents.

• Should my husband go into labor?

Not every father has to give birth. This should not be imposed as something that should be. It all depends on your will, your own relationship, your dynamics and how much spiritual investment you really invest in childbirth education. But even if you are not in labor, childbirth preparation training will prepare you, your relationship, and your man for fatherhood.

• Well, if my husband enters birth, will our sexual life end?

First of all, it should be clarified: The physical location of the father who enters the birth; It is not opposite the vagina, which is the area where the birth is made. In other words, the father should not go across the birth area and watch the birth. An experienced birthing team guides the father about where to stop at the time of birth. And it also allows the father to keep eye contact with his wife next to her and perhaps support her in the back of her head. Another important issue; the birth process should not be perceived as seeing only the moment of birth. It is also necessary to see the birth process as a way of welcoming all those birth waves "together" loudly and straining. If the man does not like these sounds and moments at birth and fears and walks away, this shows us that he will get away from sex with his wife so easily and so quickly ... While experiencing male-female relationships, sexuality is always a matter of years and time. they have to invest. Birth is just an event and a process besides all these years and experiences. Therefore, the man is not afraid of labor; whether they perceive this event naturally or not and how both men and women naturally experience this process spontaneously softly and in flux.

• It is said that for an instinctive birth you must "go inside". How can I do that?

For this, you must first learn the relaxation and breathing exercises and practice them regularly. In fact, you should learn and continue all these relaxation and breathing exercises before birth and even in preparation for pregnancy if possible. Therefore, your priority is; Participation in childbirth preparation programs where you can learn breathing and relaxation techniques. You should also regularly do the exercises you will learn in this training. You should also meditate whenever you have the opportunity. Along with these, getting support from a pregnant and maternity psychologist during your pregnancy helps you to develop and cope with your fears and anxieties that may prevent you from turning inward and focusing on the birth. In other words, before giving birth, expectant mothers and even fathers should do a mental cleansing in the presence of a psychologist.

• Should I make a different preparation for a water birth?

The use of water at birth is recommended as a non-drug pain relief technique. The relaxing effect of water can also be used by using the normal shower. For water birth, you must first have knowledge about water birth. The use of water at birth in water can be of two types: The first is "birth in water" and the second is "birth to water". First, the water is entered and the relaxing power of water is used in terms of non-drug pain relief technique during contractions. But the birth is done in a different position outside, that is, it takes place as black birth, so to speak. In the second, the use of water continues, the expectant mother is in the pool and entered the water after a certain stage. This is a phase close to "full clarity" with a short time before the baby arrives. The baby is born in water and the mother takes her baby to her breast. The most important thing to realize this type of birth is to learn and prepare for natural birth and normal birth. You should also learn about the advantages and disadvantages of water birth, take responsibility for water birth, and know some of the false myths about water birth among the public, and you should be talking to your doctor. The team that will give birth in water should also be experienced in this regard, agree with you, be able to give birth in water and believe it. Finally, you will need to investigate the conditions of the hospital where you will make a water birth.

• Painful birth scares me, but I've heard that epidural births also have some drawbacks. What should I do?

In the births I witnessed, I saw that expectant mothers who were prepared for the birth, did not use the word "pain" too much. Instead, they describe the birth with words such as “Yes it was pressure, yes it was difficult, yes I had difficulties, yes I was tired.” There is an alternative to not having pain, it is a pain relief method called epidural analgesia. If labor has turned into an intense painful process, yes this method can be applied. Maybe and definitely is a concept brought by popular medicine. Yes, all pain is relieved in this method, but it has this kind of advantage as well as many disadvantages (risks). So my suggestion to those who are very afraid of pain is to learn the advantages and disadvantages of the epidural. However, if everything goes well in a birth and the expectant mother is supported one-on-one, it should not be forgotten that epidural analgesia will definitely not be needed.The correct and appropriate use of non-pharmacological pain relief techniques, the team's experience in support at birth, and the provision of this support by midwives or doula's and birth psychologists reduce the need for an epidural.

• Do I find it difficult to focus on the birth when I have a birth photographer?

If you want a photographer at your birth, this person must also have received birth preparation training, and must really know where to stop, how quiet it will be, how much it will protect privacy, and what attitude to adopt in cesarean section at every stage of the birth. If the birthing team has a birthing psychologist, her job is to protect the expectant mother from anything that goes wrong at birth. The birthing psychologist ensures that the birthing photographer or anyone else is taken out of the room when needed. For this reason, we have never experienced anything like the photographer breaking the focus on birth. There were also expectant mothers who did not call the birth photographer for this reason and regretted it. We think focus, in terms of breathing and relaxation. There may be factors such as the doctor's in and out, the midwife saying “Let's try this position”, the wife giving a kiss, or the photographer pressing the shutter. In all of this, it is very important for the mother to learn how to turn inside, relax and not hear external voices. Of course, you may not want a birth photographer if you think it will hold you un focused.

Editor's note: Be sure to read our expert's other articles.