Top 13 concerns about pregnancy and childbirth

Begüm Kodalak Bilik / Pregnant and Birth Psychologist

It is natural for you to experience various emotional fluctuations during pregnancy. Remember, you need to examine and relax yourself mentally as well as during physical exams. Here are our suggestions for the most common moods of expectant mothers ...

1. I am worried about whether I can be a good mother and provide a good future for my child.

Anxiety is one of the most intense emotions mothers experience from the very beginning of pregnancy until their babies grow up. During pregnancy, most expectant mothers; she can experience such fears and anxieties. The thing that will most relieve expectant mothers in this process is that they have information about pregnancy, birth and postpartum, and know what awaits them. In addition, it is very important for expectant mothers to be well organized for the postpartum period. Who will stay with the mother for how long and help should definitely be organized in advance. Postpartum period is the period when new mothers most need help. It should not be forgotten that the new mother is also responsible for her baby in this period, as well as the person who will help the mother. It is also observed that chatting with experienced mothers positively affects expectant mothers and reduces their anxiety. However, if anxiety and fears are increasing and the mother cannot cope with these feelings, an expert support should be consulted.

2. I am very emotional and I immediately start crying, even at the simplest thing.

During pregnancy, there is a great physiological change in the body. At the same time, psychological changes are seen. It is thought that the hormonal changes seen in this process have an effect on the sudden emotional fluctuations of expectant mothers. The emotional complexity of pregnancy, birth and postpartum experiences can sometimes cause such cries in expectant mothers. Emotional fluctuations are considered normal during pregnancy. However, if the crying increases in a way that prevents the expectant mother from continuing her life, it is necessary to get help from a specialist.

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3. Will my crying harm my baby?

If the expectant mother does not cry all the time, of course, this will not harm her baby. On the contrary, if the expectant mother relaxes when she cries, her baby will also be relieved. However, if the mother is constantly crying, this situation prevents her from continuing her daily life, and symptoms such as anorexia, not eating, constant sadness and excessive stress are added to this situation, the baby may be affected emotionally by this emotional state. Stressful situations experienced by the expectant mother do not affect the baby too much. However, we can say that excessive stress and sadness negatively affect unborn babies.

4. I am in a psychology as if I cannot feed my baby healthy ...

Every mother starts to get acquainted with the feeling of inadequacy regarding motherhood during this period. This feeling is more common in expectant mothers who are pregnant with their first baby. Over time, this feeling that the expectant mother experiences decreases with the support she receives from her relatives and spouse. After the birth of the baby, the mother, who sees that she can do and manage, can turn the feeling of inadequacy into a feeling of competence. During this period, the messages that the expectant mother hears from her environment are also very important. If the mother-to-be is constantly given messages such as malnutrition and not having enough healthy nutrition, these sentences will increase the feeling of inadequacy in the mother. Apart from such pressures, the expectant mother should pay attention to her nutrition during this period. Healthy nutrition ensures that the expectant mother has a comfortable pregnancy and the baby is born in a healthy way. Proper nutrition during pregnancy also positively affects the postpartum period of the expectant mother. If the mother-to-be has an intense feeling of not being able to feed, there may be different psychological reasons. In such a case, the fact that these processes are studied with a specialist throughout pregnancy will provide a much better psychological process of pregnancy, birth and birth.

5. I don't feel like talking to my baby in my womb, frankly, I find it meaningless.

We know that babies can hear as of the 16th week and we even think that babies can hear from the moment of conception in the sessions we do. The first sound the baby hears is the voice of its mother's heart. Then she meets her mother's voice. Thanks to these two voices that inform him that everything is fine, the baby begins to communicate with the outside world and can understand that he is in safety. As of the 20th week, your baby's hearing ability improves and begins to perceive external sounds. If we think that your communication with your baby starts in the mother's womb, yes it is important to talk to the baby during pregnancy, but if it seems meaningless to you, in different ways, for example; You can also communicate with your baby by singing to him or touching your belly. According to the researches, babies who are stimulated and contacted with their sense of touch during pregnancy; It is seen that after birth, they are more interested in their environment, able to digest more information and process this information.

6. My wife and I are afraid of normal birth because we are concerned that sexual life will deteriorate after childbirth.

If you do not have any difficulties or conflicts in your relationship with your partner before you become pregnant, your sexual life will return to its original state after a while after pregnancy and childbirth. Whether it is a normal birth or a cesarean delivery, your body will need to recover. This recovery period is called the postpartum period. For this reason, doctors recommend having sexual intercourse for a while, if not immediately after birth. Women mostly worry that the appearance of their vaginas will deteriorate, but since the vagina is a tissue that constantly renews itself and keeps itself alive, it can return to its original state very quickly after birth. Apart from this, sometimes mothers may have sexual reluctance during the puerperium, or fathers may sometimes have problems in this regard. The most important reason for this is that parents try to adapt to a new life. Therefore, it is very important for the spouses to support each other during this period. It would be ideal for them to have sexual intercourse when they feel ready and not to rush about it. If the problems related to having sexual intercourse continue to increase, the mother and father should not hesitate to seek expert support.

8. I am afraid of childbirth, I don't want to hear anything about birth or make any plans for birth…

Miscarriage is defined as spontaneous termination of pregnancy, usually before the 20th week. It is seen in 10-25 percent of pregnant women. Sometimes the mother's body terminates the pregnancy for some reason, and sometimes a miscarriage may occur for no apparent reason or in an accident. It is a condition that affects the body physiologically as well as psychologically. Experiencing the pregnancy in the later period affects the expectant mother and father more emotionally. The expectant mother and father can spend this period full of sadness. Expectant mothers who encounter such situations may experience the thought that they will not have a baby again, fear of losing, and self-blame. Some women get through this period more easily, while others may find it more difficult. If there is a situation of sadness that lasts for months, an expert support must be obtained. Worries and sadness experienced after miscarriage can cause intense stress and loss of self-esteem for the mother. It can also cause them to worry that they will not have a baby again or that they will lose their baby in their womb. It should not be forgotten that this situation can happen to anyone. And previous miscarriage stories need to be studied psychologically. It is also very important for the baby that the expectant mother and father are free of worries and prepare for the next pregnancy. Because now we know that babies have all the information about you, even if you are not aware of it.

8 I am afraid of childbirth, I don't want to hear anything about birth or make any plans for birth…

If expectant mothers are experiencing fears and anxieties about delivery, they generally avoid talking about it. Women who are afraid of childbirth have fears such as straining, losing their mind and doing something to be ashamed of, and not trusting the team that will deliver. This is because they do not have sufficient and correct information about birth. The antidote to fear is knowledge. First of all, the participation of expectant mothers and fathers in childbirth preparation trainings related to pregnancy, birth and postpartum and getting informed about this will decrease their fears and anxieties. A mother who learns the physiology of labor and knows how to handle the waves of birth is more confident in herself, her body and her baby. In this way, he can use all this information he learned at birth with the support of his wife. The expectant mother and father will be able to determine their preferences regarding the birth based on the information they learned. It is very important for the expectant mother and father, who determine their preferences, to share these preferences with their doctor.

9. Do I have to go to childbirth training? In the past, there were no such courses, and yet women could give birth crunchy.

Yes, there were no courses in the past, but everyone around you supported you to have a nice and comfortable birth. This included doctors. But in the present time, even your closest friends have become frightening for you. Fear is a highly contagious emotion. With this feeling, it becomes very difficult to enter and even talk about birth. However, birth was previously normal, natural and healthy, and now it is. Every woman has the power to give birth. Women's bodies and babies actually know what to do. All they have to do is believe in this strength within them and the importance of a natural birth. At this stage of belief, birth preparation courses come into play. In the courses offered by people who have received international birth trainer training, first of all, the fear of birth is studied. There are many techniques for working with fears. While you are free from your negative emotions, you also have the opportunity to learn about breathing exercises in the birth preparation trainings where body control and relaxation are taught. Thanks to the breaths you learn, you can turn to your body and your baby at the time of birth. The course is also very important for fathers. Fathers also learn about their duties thanks to these trainings. At the end of the birth preparation training, expectant mothers and fathers learn enough to give birth to make conscious choices.

10. What will change if my husband enters the birth?

One of the biggest fears of expectant mothers at birth is being alone or being left alone. Because birth is a journey and expectant mothers need both emotional and physical support during this journey. Even if the father-to-be does nothing, they can support their spouse at birth. They can support their partners by saying beautiful and motivating words, sometimes just by kissing, and thus become the protagonist of birth. Especially if a father has attended the birth preparation training, he can massage his wife with little touches and thus help his wife to relax. Otherwise, a father who has no knowledge of birth may not be able to help you, or may have difficulty understanding the situation you are living in, and may ask you to take epidural medication or do something to speed up the birth. Birth preparation course is very important not only for expectant mothers but also for future fathers. In this way, prospective fathers know what to do during birth and support their spouses accordingly. For many fathers entering into birth; To be able to see the baby at the moment of birth and even touch him in the form of skin-to-skin contact, accompany the mother during this journey and be a part of the process will be an unforgettable experience throughout their lives. Supporting each other in an important process such as birth strengthens the bond between spouses. Father's birth also enables the father-baby bond to be established from the first moment. Thus, the baby meets both his mother and father the moment he is born and starts life safely.

11. I am afraid to discuss my birth preferences with my doctor. What if it gets angry with me ...

One of the first things as soon as the pregnancy news is heard, the expectant mother is in search of a doctor. Ask left and right, referral doctor is sought from people and friends. Considering the changing hormones, the most important point for a expectant mother in choosing a doctor is; the doctor is friendly, caring and reassuring. Another issue to be taken into account is that the expectant mother should be able to easily discuss all birth preferences with her doctor. If the expectant mother has difficulty discussing these issues with her doctor or has fear or anxiety about these conversations, it will be difficult to express her preferences. Generally, the relationship with the doctor determines the relationship established with the first authority, mother and father. If there is any blockage in the relationship of the expectant mother and father with their mother and father, looking at this situation and seeing how this situation reflects on the relationship with the doctor will give many clues in this sense. Remember that the expectant mother and father need to trust the expectant mother and father in them as well as the doctor. Focusing on how to give confidence as well as how to be trusted will make the relationship with the doctor differentiate positively.

12. I want to be alone with my wife at birth and focus on the moment of birth. When I make this choice, I worry that my family and friends will be offended by me.

In order for the birth to proceed comfortably for both mother and baby, the mother needs to feel comfortable and safe. For this, the most important need of both mother and father during and after birth is privacy. When we look at nature, we see that cats, which are classified as mammals, prefer to give birth in dark, dark places where nobody is present. Likewise, a woman giving birth needs a quiet, calm environment with as few people as possible. In order to meet this natural need, some expectant mothers and fathers may not prefer their families and friends to come to the hospital to focus on birth and their babies during the birth process. Because there will be nobody in the hospital to take care of their families or to give them information. It would be good for them to discuss this issue with their families in advance and prepare for these preferences in advance and inform their families about who will inform them during the birth. If you tell your family and friends the necessary information in advance, including the reason, they will respect you and your birth preferences.

13. Birth feels very scary to me, because of what my mother told about my story of birth and birth.

Negative birth stories told by others, traumatic birth stories heard from family elders, maybe a yelling-evocative birth movie watched… As a result of all these, subconsciously it is coded as birth = fear. This is called negative hypnosis. In our society, there is usually a negative state of hypnosis associated with childbirth. The news in the media, the birth scenes in the TV series or the stories told by the friend are unfortunately generally negative. For this reason, you should turn your ears off to negative stories and even people who tell them, "Please don't tell me negative stories!" I suggest you warn. Another thing you can do to reduce your fears is to prepare for the birth physically, mentally and psychologically. Don't forget to include your spouse in this preparation process!